Bloom One Quart
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Roots Organics Buddha Bloom One quart base flowering plant nutrient |  |
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US $19.88 | 26d 9h 25m |
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Bloom One Quart
Will you comment on my poem?
I'd love some feedback on this poem. I wrote earlier today quickly because I had a time constraint.
He drowned a quart of grain alcohol
In front of a volunteer group walking in freedom park
His heavy coat worn by the streets
slipping off into the newly paved sidewalk
"Hey, you" he yells staggering forward,
catching himself each step
"I-I love you" he reaches out cradling a cheek
"I-I love you" he hugs her tight bringing
the light of the world to his face,
A flower blooming
We stand, helpless with a trash bag
A bag full of sandwiches to give out
"Don't give nuthin' to him.
He don't know if you be helpin' or harmin''"
says a one legged man
the brown bag we gave the man in his hand
"Ma loves you" the words unravel as the man opens his bag
The group begins walking down the path
I look, I steal a peek, he is still their
He is still their hugging himself
smiling
I think the "flower blooming" part kinda throws it off a little bit.. and you misspelled "their" , after " I look, I steal a peek" I think for you to mean "there". Other wise i think that it's really good and you are a really creative person.
Oxygen Plus Indoor Plant Food-Promote Vigorous Plant Growth
|
|
Roots Organics Buddha Bloom One quart base flowering plant nutrient | |
|
US $19.88 | 26d 9h 25m |
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